Mullah Nasruddin - A World of Exquisite Humor

Super Salesman .

Mullah Nasruddin was trying to sell his house, but without success.

One day he pulled out a brick from the wall of his house.

"Why did you do that?" asked his wife, appalled.

"Oh, foolish woman, what do you know?" said Nasruddin. "To sell anything, you have to show a sample. I propose to show this brick as a sample of our house." 

Pay no attention!

Carrying home a load of delicate glassware, Mulla Nasruddin dropped it in the street. Everything was smashed. A crowd gathered.
‘What’s the matter with you, idiots?’ howled the Mulla. ‘Haven’t you ever seen a fool before?’

Pay full attention!

Nasruddin was not sure about Court etiquettes, yet he was among the notables who would be received by the Sultan when he visited the locality. He was quickly briefed. The King would ask him how long he had been living there, how long he had studied to become a Mulla, and whether he was happy about the taxation and spiritual welfare of the people.

He memorized his

answers: but they started in another order.
‘How long have you studied?’

‘Thirty-five years.’
‘How old are you, then?’
‘Twelve years.’

‘This is impossible! Which of us is mad?’
‘Both, your Majesty’
‘You call me mad, like you?’
‘Of course, we are mad, but in a different way, your Majesty!’

True lies!

‘How old are you, Mulla?’
‘Forty.’
‘But you said the same last time I asked you, two

years ago!’

‘Yes, I always stand by what I have said.’

Catch your rabbit!

People were talking about strange, sometimes mythical beasts, and someone iin the teahouse told Nasruddin that there were monsters to be found even near his own village.
As he was on his way home, the Mulla saw a new animal. It had long ears, like a donkey, but it was brownish, furry and chewing. So preoccupied was it that Nasruddin was able to steal up to it and catch it by the ears. He had never seen anything like this before. It was, in fact, a rabbit.
He took it home and tied it in a sack, forbidding his wife to open it. Then he hurried back to the teahouse.
‘I have found something’, he announced bravely, ‘which has ears like a donkey, munches like a camel, and is now in a sack in my house. There has never been an animal like this seen before.’
Immediately the teahouse emptied, and everyone ran to the Mulla’s home to see this wonder.
Meanwhile, of course, his wife had opened the sack, unable to restrain her curiosity. The rabbit bounded out of the house and away. She could think of nothing better to do than put a stone in the sack instead, and tie it up again.
Soon the Mulla arrived with his friends clamouring to see the monster.
He opened the sack, and the stone fell out. There was a dead silence. Nasruddin recovered himself first.
‘Friends, If you take seven of these stones, they will be found to weigh three-quarters of a pound.’

New Economic Law

During a crusade, Nasruddin was captured and set to work on the ditch near Aleppo citadel. The work was backbreaking, and the Mulla bemoaned his lot, but the exercise benefited him.
A neutral merchant passing by one day recognized him, and ransomed him for thirty silver dirhams. Taking him home he treated him kindly and bestowed his daughter upon him.
Now Nasruddin lived a life of fair cofort, but the woman turned out to be a shrewd.
‘You are the man, remember,’ she said one day, ‘that my father bought for thirty dirhams and gave to me.’
‘Yes,’ said Nasruddin, ‘I am that man. He paid thirty for me; you got me for nothing – and I have even lost the muscles I gained digging ditches.

The Smuggler

Every first of the month Mullah Nasruddin used to cross the border with thirty donkeys, with two bails of straw on each. Each time the custom person stopped him to ask about his profession and Nasruddin would reply, “I am an honest smuggler.” So each time, Nasruddin, his donkeys and the bails of straw were searched from top to toe. Each time the custom folk could not find anything. Next week, Nasruddin would return without his donkeys or bails of straw. Years went by and Nasruddin prospered in his smuggling profession to the extent that he retired. Many years later, the custom person too had retired. As it happened one day, the two former adversaries met in a country far from home. The two hugged each other like old buddies and started talking. After a while, the custom person asked the question which had been bugging him over the years, “Mullah, please let me know what were you smuggling all those years ago?” Nasruddin thought for a few seconds and finally revealed his open secret, “Donkeys.”

Since you already know

Once, the people of The City invited Mulla Nasruddin to deliver a khutba. When he got on the minbar (pulpit), he found the audience was not very enthusiastic, so he asked “Do you know what I am going to say?” The audience replied “NO”, so he announced “I have no desire to speak to people who don’t even know what I will be talking about” and he left. The people felt embarrassed and called him back again the next day. This time when he asked the same question, the people replied “YES” So Mullah Nasruddin said, “Well, since you already know what I am going to say, I won’t waste any more of your time” and he left. Now the people were really perplexed. They decided to try one more time and once again invited Mullah Nasruddin to speak the following week. Once again he asked the same question – “Do you know what I am going to say?” Now the people were prepared and so half of them answered “YES” while the other half replied “NO”. So Mullah Nasruddin said “The half who know what I am going to say, tell it to the other half” and he left!

Nasruddin Postpones Paying.

One evening, Nasruddin Hodja's wife saw her husband walking up and down the verandah in great agitation.

"What's the matter?" she asked him.

"I borrowed a hundred dinars from our neighbor last month and I promised to return the money on the last day of this month," explained Hodja.

"Tomorrow is the last day and I don't have the money. I don't know what to do."

"What is there to do!" said his wife. "Go and tell him you can't pay!"

Hodja took his wife's advice.

When he returned from his neighbor’s house he looked relaxed and happy.

"How did he take it?" asked his wife.

"Ah, well," said Hodja. "Now he is walking up and down his verandah. 

=============

It was after the intermission at the theater, and Mulla Nasruddin and his wife were returning to their seats. "Did I step on your feet as I went out?" the Mulla asked a man at the end of the row. "You certainly did," said the man awaiting an apology.
Mulla Nasruddin turned to his wife, "it's all right, darling," he said. "This is our Row."

============

Mulla Nasrudin who was reeling drunk was getting into his automobile when a policeman came up and asked
"You're not going to drive that car, are you?"
"CERTAINLY I AM GOING TO DRIVE," said Nasrudin. "ANYBODY CAN SEE I AM IN NO
CONDITION TO WALK."

=============

"What was the argument between you and your father-in-law, Nasrudin?" asked a friend. "I didn’t mind, when he wore my hat, coat, shoes and suit, BUT WHEN HE SAT DOWN AT THE DINNER TABLE AND LAUGHED AT ME WITH MY OWN TEETH – THAT WAS TOO MUCH," said Mulla Nasrudin.

==============

"Officer you'd better lock me up," he said. "I just hit my wife on the head with a beer bottle."
"Did you kill her:" asked the officer.
"Don’t think so," said Nasruddin. "that's why i want you to lock me up."

=============

Mulla Nasrudin trying to pull his car out of a parking space banged into the car ahead. Then he backed into the car behind. Finally, after pulling into the street, he hit a beer truck. When the police arrived, the patrolman said, "Let's see your licence, Sir." "Don't be silly," said Nasrudin. "who do you think would give me a licence?"

============

During a religious meeting an attractive young widow leaned too far over the balcony and fell, but her dress caught on a chandelier and held her impended in mid-air. The preacher, of course, immediately noticed the woman's predicament and called out to his congregation:
"The first person who looks up there is in danger of being punished with blindness."
Mulla Nasrudin, who was in the congregation whispered to the man next to him, "I Think I will Risk one Eye".

============

Mulla Nasruddin Hodja's Story of Donkey of Hodja .

Nasruddin Hodja took his donkey to the market place and sold it for 30 dinars.

The man who bought it immediately put it up for auction.

"Look at this fine animal!" he shouted to passersby. "Have you ever seen a better specimen of a donkey? See how clean and strong it is!"

And he went on to list the many qualities of the animal. At the end of his sales talk a man said he would give 40 dinars for it.

Another man offered 50. A third offered 55.

Hodja who was watching was amazed at the interest everyone was showing in the donkey.

"What a fool I was to think it an ordinary animal," thought Hodja. "It is an incomparable beast, one in a million..." He suddenly realized that the owner had received a good offer and was about to close the bidding.

"75 dinars once..." said the man.”75 dinars twice..."

"80 dinars!" said Hodja. 

****************************************

Hodja’s Holy House .

Hodja once lived in a rented house.

The building was old and whenever there was a strong wind, its rafters would creak and squeak.

One day when the landlord came to collect the rent, Hodja told him about the alarming noises the building was making.

“Don’t let that worry you,” said the landlord, airily. “Those noises are nothing but the praises the old building is singing to the Almighty.”

“Oh, I’m not worried about the hymns,” said Hodja. “But what if it decided to kneel down and worship him?” 


**********************




Milk for Mullah .

One evening, a man carrying a can of milk stopped Mulla Nasruddin Hodja in the street and said he had a problem and wanted his advice.

"What's your problem?" asked Hodja.

"My problem is that though I never drink wine I feel intoxicated when I get up in the morning," explained the man.

"What do you drink last thing at night?" asked Hodja, eyeing the milk can in his hand.

"Milk."

"Just as I thought," said Hodja. "That is the cause of your problem."

"Milk causes intoxication?" asked the man, astonished.

"It is like this," explained the Mulla. "You drink the milk and go to sleep. You toss around in your sleep. The milk gets churned. It turns into butter. Butter churned, turns into cheese. Cheese turns to fat. Fat into sugar. Sugar into alcohol. So you wake up with alcohol in your stomach. That is why you feel intoxicated in the morning."

"So what do I do?" asked the man, bewildered.

"Simple. Don't drink the milk," said Hodja. "Here, give it to me."

And taking the milk can from the man, the Mulla walked away, leaving the man gaping. 


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The Mulla Pleads Poverty .

Mulla Nasruddin was once brought before a judge by a man to whom he owed some money.

The creditor said to the judge: "This man owes me 500 dinars which are long overdue. I request your Excellency to order him to pay me immediately, without further delay."

"I do owe him money," said the Mulla, "and I intend to pay him. I'll sell my cow and horse if necessary, but it'll take time."

"He is lying," said the other man. "He doesn't have a cow or horse or anything of value for that matter. I am told he doesn't even have food in his house!"

"When he knows I am so poor, O Judge," said the Mulla, "ask him how he expects me to pay him immediately."

The judge dismissed the case. 



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